Why we all should have private planes.

When I boarded the plane in Chicago last year I was horrified to note that I was to share my section of the cabin with six dozens of pensioners on a Saga holiday. Great.
Half of them were at the stage where they’d need to go to the lavatory every fifteen minutes, and the other half were at the stage where they didn’t bother with the lavatory at all. But the seat next to me was still free. So who am I going to get? Please God, not the girl with the baby I’d seen in the departure lounge. There’s nothing worse than sitting next to a girl with a baby on a flight. 
I got the girl with the baby. 


After one hour I was desperately in need of a white wine, but not only did it cost 16 dollar but it also’d make me drunk. And unlike a screaming baby, that’s considered as antisocial.
Luckily the girl with the baby didn’t had the same connection in Atlanta so I would get a new neighbour. This was a Californian beach babe who was going to Quito and Rio de Janeiro with her equally volleyballish friend. To start with, I didn’t think too much of the fact that they were holding hands but as the flight wore on, and they started holding rather more intimate parts of one another’s bodies, the penny dropped. I know I shouldn’t have been surprised. I know there must be good-looking lesbians too, but mostly you only see them in movies.


I tried to read my book, in which the hero tried to rescue an American spy from the Russians with nothing more than bubble gum and a comb, but it was impossible to concentrate. You should try sleeping when you’re seventeen inches from two pneumatic blondes playing tonsil hockey.


After 9 hours I finally landed in Quito where a man took my papers into a back room and emerged ten minutes later wearing rubber gloves. I nearly fainted.
Believe me, you do not want a body search after a 15-hour journey. You do not want a body search after a 15-minute journey, come to think of it. Fortunately he only wanted to check my suitcase.
My point in this is that flying over great distances is horrible. I already opened a savings account so I can buy my own private plane some day. 


J&R