Bicycle-lessons for adults.

It should be required for anyone with an age above 30 to do a cycling-exam every ten years.

You probably wonder why I suggest such a thing, why I’m so bittered. Well let me tell you.

Are you known with the notorious Dutch traffic? Have you ever been on a bicycle? For the foreign people I’ll explain how the normal streetview looks like in The Netherlands: There are over 30 million bicycles here and we only have 16 million people living in our country. Doesn’t that say enough? Dutch children already learn how to cycle when they are like 5-6 years old.

Can you imagine how our traffic looks like with this many people on the road? People should really know what they should and definitely know what they should not do in traffic.
For example stopping on the left side of a traffic light when you know you really aren’t the fastest cyclist out there. Why would someone do that? Get out of my way!  

Or cycling together with a friend -side to side- and cycling extremely, and with extremely I mean really extreme, slowly. Start walking if you use this kind of speed! 

And the worst nightmare for every road user are the elderly in traffic. They cycle with a maximum speed of 10 kph (6.2 MPH). I’m not exaggerating. And the worst thing in history is when you are trying to pass them. You ring your bell (which many cyclists don’t even have… I’m just saying), but they never respond to it. They just can’t hear it. The first thing that comes in my mind is: Why the **** are you in traffic when you’re deaf, for God's sake?!

In short there are enough frustrations when you get absorbed in Dutch cycling-traffic. So be warned!

J&R. 

Beth Ditto, singer from Gossip.

Bin Laden? I know where he is!

Every week a new survey of some kind bores our lifes with things we don’t want to know. Last week for example, I read that women expect to receive a text message back within 2-5 minutes. Men on the other hand are still happy when they have to wait 12 minutes. An other survey told us that we waste 394 days on the lavatory during a lifetime. But I can’t imagine why that's a waste. They’re the most happiest and peaceful days in a man’s life. I love being on the lavatory more than I love being on holiday, and I don’t consider it as time wasted.

And anyway, 394 days is nothing compared the time I really waste waiting outside in the freezing cold, while a friend of mine is trying to find her keys in her handbag. And then there is the time I waste waiting for her to answer the mobile phone. Normally, it rings for 48 hours before she finds it acclimatizing at the bottom of her handbag, underneath a receipt from something she bought in 1997. Nowadays, if I suspect her phone to be in her bag, I write a letter instead. It’s quicker.

The men and women in the American army think they have a really hard time trying to find Osama Bin Laden, somewhere in the mountains in Afghanistan, but I think they should be thankful that he didn’t choose to hide out in my friend’s handbag.

My God, I just thought of something. Maybe he did. Maybe he is hiding in there now! Sitting there with his AK-47 and a video recorder. Maybe he’s using her mobile phone she lost two years ago, supplying Al Jazeera with news.

Last week I read that the average woman owns 40(!) handbags. So I asked my friend about her amount and she told me she had 31 bags. Apparently it has something to do with seasons. She claimed that she couldn’t use her favourite bag during summer because the bag is made out some kind of cow and would look ‘all wrong’.

According to a spokesman from Jimmy Choo it has everything to do with style. He said that if you wear the right shoes, and the right bag, you’ll look right.

But that’s rubbish! If you’re fat and only have one tooth there’s not a bag in the world that’ll mask your problem, unless you wear it over your head ofcourse. And that isn’t recommendable because it will take two years before you’ll find it again.

I was confused so I asked my friend permission to look into her purse. She agreed so I turned it upside down on the table. Although her bag had the size of an egg, the mess was gigantic. They say panda bears are very rare and only live in China, but I now know there’s a small family living in The Netherlands.

There were also a pair of spectacles. Not so strange you’re probably thinking, but her eyes are perfect. When I asked for the reason she told me she might need them at some point. So does that mean there’s a stairlift in there as well?

She also had 37 coins, from twelve different countries. Nine of those countries didn’t even exist anymore. Then there was chewing gum, that she never eats, and pills for diseases that cleared up in the 1920s.

I genuinely don’t understand this. When I leave the house I get my house keys, my iPhone, some money and mints. And even when I’m only wearing jeans and a T-shirt, which is always, I cope just fine.

Dear women of the world, stop carrying everything you’ve ever owned with you, because you will still look good.

J&R

Hottie of the week!

               

Jensen Ackles, actor.

Hooray!

Hooray! It's R's birthday today!

J&R

Hottie of the week!

Maria Sharapova, tennis player.